About

About The Penguins

The Two Penguins are stuck on an iceberg. They get along. Sometimes.

What started as a creative distraction has turned into something more. The Two Penguins came into existence while the author was sitting on the couch with his 6 year old son son, messing around with Adobe Illustrator. The boy remarked, “Daddy, that penguin looks angry. Why is that penguin angry?” An answer for the inquisitive young lad immediately sprang to mind — “Because, like so many others before him, he doesn’t understand the joke the other penguin told him.” And thus, The Two Penguins’ iceberg adventures began

About The Iceberg

It’s made of ice. It’s in the Antarctic. As far as we know, it has internet access, a shopping mall, an international airport, and at least two Starbucks.

About The Site

Fans of poorly-drawn penguins, puns, anti-humor, irony, political snark, and non-sequitors should feel right at home, while others may feel like they are wandering aimlessly through the frozen tundra.

Two Penguins, One Iceberg updates every week on #TwoPenguinsTuesday. There is usually an ongoing story arc, though every so often, current events become the catalyst for a stand-alone sketch. If you’re using a desktop computer machine, hover over each frame, you may discover some hidden content. If you are on a mobile device, try a long press on each frame. Often times, the hidden content turns out to be funnier than the than the illustrations themselves. Or so I’ve been told.

Occasionally instead of publishing a new episode, a new penguin joke gets added to The Illustrated Penguin Joke Anthology, a collection of illustrated penguin jokes as told by The Two Penguins. Got a favorite penguin joke that’s not in the list? Let me know and The Two Penguins will share it with the world and give you the credit!

You can follow The Two Penguins on the twitters @TheTwoPenguins. You can find them on facebook at facebook.com/TwoPenguinsOneIceberg.

About The Author

Doug Walters is the creative mind behind Two Penguins, One Iceberg. Originally from New Jersey, Doug serves as the Executive Director of Camp Hanover, a non-profit, faith-based, summer camp and year-round retreat center near Richmond, Virginia. A husband and father of three, Doug also tosses a pretty mean homemade pizza that will rival any you pie you’ll find at your local pizzeria.  You can follow Doug on the twitters @CampGuy.

Frequently Asked Questions

I don’t get the joke.

That’s not a question. Try again.

I don’t get the joke?

That’s better.

First things first, know that you are not the only one who doesn’t understand the humor you’ll find within Two Penguins One Iceberg.

Oftentimes, even the author doesn’t understand what he is writing. Most days, he is downright perplexed as to why other people enjoy this site. The anxiety and frustration you are feeling is a normal part of the human experience.

Now the good news. Several peer-reviewed studies by Nobel Prize winning scientists and poets have shown that if at first you don’t understand a particular Two Penguins One Iceberg episode, it helps to read it again a second time. Or a third time. For some, a fourth reading is necessary. Possibly a fifth. Still don’t get it? Try reading it aloud. No, louder. Louder still. In a crowded public space.

I don’t think Two Penguins One Iceberg is funny. Wait, I mean… Why isn’t Two Penguins One Iceberg Funny?

You’re learning! Way to go!

Short answer: I have no idea.

Long answer: See, there are these two penguins on an iceberg. The iceberg splits apart, trapping one penguin on one side, and one penguin on the other side. As they drift farther and farther apart, one penguin shouts, “Goodbye!” And the other penguin exclaims “Chocolate Milk!”

Are The Two Penguins or any of the characters based on real people?

Yes. No. Maybe? Hold on. Let me consult my attorney. BRB.

<musical interlude>

No. Definitely not. Two Penguins One Iceberg is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Honestly. Cross my heart. It’s just a coincidence.

Furthermore, this website is not intended as a substitute for the medical advice of physicians. The reader should regularly consult a physician in matters relating to his/her health and particularly with respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.

Also, the information in this website is meant to supplement, not replace, proper Sports! training. Like any physical activity involving speed, equipment, balance and environmental factors, The Sports! pose some inherent risk. The author advises readers to take full responsibility for their safety and know their limits. Before practicing the skills described on this website, be sure that your equipment is well maintained, and do not take risks beyond your level of experience, aptitude, training, and comfort level.

Ask your doctor if Two Penguins One Iceberg might be right for you.

No animals were harmed in the creation of the website.

Member FDIC.

Can you explain the Chocolate Milk Joke?

Sure! See, there are these two penguins on an iceberg. The iceberg splits apart, trapping one penguin on one side, and one penguin on the other side. As they drift farther and farther apart, one penguin shouts, “Goodbye!” And the other penguin exclaims “Chocolate Milk!”

Where can I get an official Two Penguins One Iceberg t-shirt, hoodie, sweatshirt or PopSocket?

Right here. (Thank you, Jeff Bezos). If you do purchase some merch, please leave a positive review, because when you do, you make it easier for other people to find Two Penguins One Iceberg gear.

Be forewarned, there are some unscrupulous individuals attempting to make a quick buck infringing on the author’s intellectual property by hopping on the Two Penguins One Iceberg bandwagon and selling knock-off t-shirt designs using the phrase “two penguins one iceberg.” Don’t be fooled. You’re smarter than that. Please don’t encourage this kind of theft by purchasing an imitator’s t-shirt. Even if their t-shirt design looks cute. Thank you!

I’d like to advertise on your website. Is that possible?

Absolutely. Let’s talk.

My <Friend/Child/Pet/Coworker/Nemesis> is having a <Baby/Birthday/Celebration/Root Canal>. Can you create a special episode in their honor?

Absolutely. Let’s talk.

I’m a <Celebrity/Politician/Brand/Non-Profit> and I’d like to make a guest appearance in an episode. Is that possible?

Absolutely. Let’s talk.

I’m a <Journalist/Late Night Talk Show Host/Ellen DeGeneres> and I’d like to interview you. Is that possible?

Absolutely. Let’s talk.

I’m NOT running for President. BUT… if it turns out that people tell me I would be the best candidate to beat Donald Trump, and it turns out I form an Exploratory Committee that agrees with those people, and it turns out I talk it over with my family at great length, and it turns out I decide not to not run for President after all, can I announce my campaign on Two Penguins One Iceberg? Hypothetically?

Absolutely. Let’s talk.

Is there such a thing as Central New Jersey?

Yes. It’s the part of New Jersey that separates North Jersey and South Jersey. Everyone knows this.

Is it “Taylor Ham” or “Pork Roll”?

I couldn’t care less.

What’s your recipe for pizza dough?

Mix the following together in a bread machine on the dough setting. Let rise overnight in a covered bowl in the refrigerator:

  • 3 cups of flour
  • 1 warm water
  • 1 tablespoon dry yeast
  • 1 tablespoon sugar
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1/3 cup olive oil

And if you’re looking for a recommendation for an amazing, authentic pizzeria quality pizza sauce, try Don Pepino’s.

Can you recommend a great summer camp for my child?

YES! Check out Camp Hanover.

Goodbye?

Chocolate Milk!